Bloor Viaduct

“I love you, but I can’t live in this world any more”.

By now it’s familiar, the anxiety running its course.  Heart dropping as I check my voicemail on my friends’ landline.  I’d spent the night before oblivious, with them, trying clumsily to find my life without you.

I was absent for that one.  But how many times had I clawed you, greedily, back from the edge?

The scary part is that every time you came back I caught the glow of our love.  I became grateful for you again. I could forgive any pain for the joy of being with you.

You said that something pulled you back.  That there is something to being human that stops you from dropping to your death from the Bloor viaduct.  I know you were reassuring yourself, me, us.  The last thread binding you to the world and me was that animal instinct.  I wanted that to be strong enough.